My Book (Part of it)
Through out the adult years of my life I had tried to understand why women think the way they do! In recent conversations with different women and the complaints they have about their men, I listen with confusion.
I don’t see the problem!
It seems so familiar to me from what I have been told I am and do. I tell these ladies what I think their men meant and how I would have taken it and they look at me in amazement; as if I said something profound. I'm sure their men told them the same thing, but it went unheard. Women can listen to others all day long and believe what they hear, but the one they should be listening to is their mate, yet they don’t believe or trust what he is saying.
WHO AM I
Ok, so who am I to write this book and what credentials do I have? None! I’m a man who has dealt with women, that’s it! I have been divorced twice an I am not ashamed of it. At first I looked at it as a failure, but I now see it as life and life happens! I feel I tried as hard as I could to keep my relationships together, but this book is not about relationships and how to keep them together. “I don’t know how to do that!” I do know how to be a man though!
In the farthest corner of my mind I have troubles understanding what women hear when I talk. I have come to the conclusion that I will never understand them nor do I really want to! I have been told from women that they wish I could be in their mind for one day, that to me is the farthest place I would want to be; in fact it scares the heck out of me. I don't even think women want to be in their own minds. So if I cant understand them, then I will give them a book to understand us men; at least the kind of man I am. For the most part ladies we say what is in our minds at the time. If this book was written for men , I could probably end it right here, but it is not that easy for women. I will try to explain how simple our minds are in the most complex way for you ladies.
One thing that happens almost every time in my past relationships is that I will say something that seems so clear to me and women hear something so different. I think that is one of the most frustrating aspects in a relationship or friendship; for both men and women. For some reason they put too much into what I said. I can say something as simple as hmmmm and it will end up being so deep in meaning that Ghandi couldn’t understand it; of course I am exaggerating, but I guarantee if I was in a relationship while writing this book, that statement alone would be followed with a “What do you mean when you write that!”
Don’t take me wrong, I’m not against relationships or marriage nor am I bitter towards my past relationships; I am only speaking of my own experience’s. You may read all this and say “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about and I’m not like that!” Whatever! I’m sure I’m not the only guy who has been dumb founded towards the reactions they got from their ladies after they had said something. Ladies I’m sure a lot of times after you thought about what you said later on, you have been dumb founded too. I’m sure it’s not easy to admit, but be honest!
This book will help you see our simple but dumb founded minds towards the opposite sex in a light hearted way. I am writing it like a simple owners manual you would get when you buy a TV.
WHO WE ARE
Ok ladies, this is where I try to explain our simplicity in a wordy complex way for you. Please understand that I am not trying to make fun of our differences, I am honestly trying to help you understand us men in a somewhat light hearted way.
Having said that, if you get this book from your man as a gift, don’t read too much into it. It may be given as a gag. He really wants you to understand him, but giving you this book wasn't a heavy thought process: in fact he may have only read the title. I went back and forth to make this a gag book, but I really think this is an important issue that needs to be brought out in every relationship. So, again I say “don’t get mad or hurt if you get this book from a man!” It doesn’t mean anything bad or that you are doing something wrong. It means he recognize the differences between you two and that he doesn’t understand you at times and wants you to understand him.
To let you know ladies, there isn’t much going on up in our heads. What I mean by that is, us men tend to organize our thoughts to the most simplistic way and act on our thoughts as needed. I know there is that small percentage of men that are complex and sensitive, but I am speaking for me and I am in the simple category. Again I will say if I was writing to men I could end this chapter now, but I will try to keep going so ladies can get us. To let you know writing this is quite a task because my simplistic brain thinks everyone should understand organized thoughts and using them as needed. Let me try to give you an example in a way you ladies should understand.
Lets take wearing shoes! Men usually have a few pair and as long as the color is right we will wear them. Women not only need the color right, but the shade of that color or open/closed toed, high, medium, or flat healed, strap style, buckles or not, even the texture. So much thought goes into that act alone that it will even cause you to change your outfit a few times. We men can’t grasp that! Now that is a simple look at our thought differences.
WHAT WE THINK
This is hard chapter to bring out, because us men have been shock so many times by the electric fence that surrounds our ability to communicate simplistically or honestly; what I mean by that for you simple minded people, is that we have said the wrong thing on accident too many times and had been let known by our women. Ladies, lets say you are going out with some friends of your man from work or you are going to meet some of his friends for the first time. Remember you guys are together because he loves you for who you are and is attracted to you for how you look everyday; good or bad! Now you ladies want to look your best and make your man proud; that’s cool! We like that. If you come out of the bathroom with your hair or makeup a different color or style than what we are used to and say “do you like my hair or makeup”; you have just thrown us into a mind field of electric fence’s, and we are not free to answer quickly or honestly. Lets say we love it and react Wow! You look incredible! I love it! That is a good reaction and answer. Now you ladies feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. After that wears off you start thinking, “did he not think I was beautiful before?; which will grow into a consuming thought pattern of you evaluating our response on other things you do to your appearance. Lets say we are shocked and not sure if we like it or not and say, “you look nice honey!” Now you have just put up your defense and think we hate it; when really we are not sure. If we were to answer freely and honestly we could say, “I love it!” or “I don’t like it” or “I’m not sure yet!” You know, the way you respond to us when we change our appearance. If a man comes out of the bathroom with his hair different or wearing something you don’t like; you have no problem telling us what you think, and it doesn’t hurt our feelings or at least it doesn’t hurt mine. We just go change or fix our hair and move on. So knowing what we think is kind of hard to explain to you, and I guess it depends on how long you have been together and how many times the man has been shocked.
To know how we think in situations that have no repercussions is pretty simple. Eating a good burger is a good example.
What’s going through my thoughts is, dang this is good, I wonder if I can eat another one, or I wonder if I’m going to be by this area again soon; boy it is loud in my head when I chew. That’s pretty much it! I don’t care what it is going to do to my hips or how fatty it is, or if I look like a pig eating it. It’s safe to say not much going up on in my head when I’m eating it. If work calls while I’m eating the burger, then my mind will switch to work thoughts and the burger is no longer there. That’s what I mean about acting on our thoughts as we need them.
WHAT WE WANT
Ladies, what we want is to be ourselves without hurting your feelings. We know that you are a different breed and have emotions you can’t control and we are sensitive to that! Just know that we are a different breed too and don’t mean to hurt you.
Sometimes ladies you think you need to compete with our friends; that’s not true! You are in a different category than our friends. Now if your man is spending most of his time with his friends without you, then there are some problems at home. A man likes his friends and can be a different animal with them than he can with you; let him have his time, but if he cant be a man at home or if you wont be around his friends, that has to change. Let me tell you how to be number 1 over his friends. Men like to show off whatever they have and if it is better than their friends they will rub it in their faces. So…Be cool to his friends! Make his friends say “Dude your girl is so cool!!!” The more he hears that the more he will want to rub it in their faces. If his friends say “look out! Your old lady is coming” you have problems; your name will seldom be brought up in conversation and if it is, it’s because your man is being teased. See how it works! I don’t mean you have to be at his side when he is with his friends all the time. I mean be there in conversation and desire; guys talk about stupid stuff and girls… so be the one that is coveted not made fun of.
So lets get started!!!