WHO AM I
Ok, so who am I to write this book and what credentials do I have? None! I’m a man who has dealt with women, that’s it! I have been divorced twice an I am not ashamed of it. At first I looked at it as a failure, but I now see it as life and life happens! I feel I tried as hard as I could to keep my relationships together, but this book is not about relationships and how to keep them together. “I don’t know how to do that!” I do know how to be a man though!

In the farthest corner of my mind I have troubles understanding what women hear when I talk. I have come to the conclusion that I will never understand them nor do I really want to! I have been told from women that they wish I could be in there mind for one day, that to me is the farthest place I would want to be; in fact it scares the heck out of me. I don't even think women want to be in there own minds. So if I cant understand them, then I will give them a book to understand us men; at least the kind of man I am. For the most part ladies we say what is in our minds at the time. If this book was written for men , I could probably end it right here, but it is not that easy for women. I will try to explain how simple our minds are in the most complex way for you ladies.

One thing that happens almost every time in my past relationships is that I will say something that seems so clear to me and women hear something so different. I think that is one of the most frustrating aspects in a relationship or friendship; for both men and women. For some reason they put too much into what I said. I can say something as simple as hmmmm and it will end up being so deep in meaning that Ghandi couldn’t understand it; of course I am exaggerating, but I guarantee if I was in a relationship while writing this book, that statement alone would be followed with a “What do you mean when you write that!”

Don’t take me wrong, I’m not against relationships or marriage nor am I bitter towards my past relationships; I am only speaking of my own experience’s. You may read all this and say “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about and I’m not like that!” Whatever! I’m sure I’m not the only guy who has been dumb founded towards the reactions they got from there ladies after they had said something. Ladies I’m sure a lot of times after you thought about what you said later on, you have been dumb founded too. I’m sure it’s not easy to admit, but be honest!

This book will help you see our simple but dumb founded minds towards the opposite sex in a light hearted way. I am writing it like a simple owners manual you would get when you buy a TV.

WHO WE ARE
Ok ladies, this is where I try to explain our simplicity in a wordy complex way for you. Please understand that I am not trying to make fun of our differences, I am honestly trying to help you understand us men in a somewhat light hearted way.

Having said that, if you get this book from your men as a gift, don’t read too much into it. It may be given as a gag, but deep down he really wants you to understand him. I went back and forth to make this a gag book, but I really think this is an important issue that needs to be brought out in every relationship. So, again I say “don’t get mad or hurt if you get this book from a man!” It doesn’t mean anything bad or that you are doing something wrong. It means he recognize the differences between you two and that he doesn’t understand you at times and wants you to understand him.

To let you know ladies, there isn’t much going on up in our heads. What I mean by that is, us men tend to organize our thoughts to the most simplistic way and act on our thoughts as needed. I know there is that small percentage of men that are complex and sensitive, but I am speaking for me and I am in the simple category. Again I will say if I was writing to men I could end this chapter now, but I will try to keep going so ladies can get us. To let you know writing this is quite a task because my simplistic brain thinks everyone should understand organized thoughts and using them as needed. Let me try to give you an example in a way you ladies should understand.

Lets take wearing shoes! Men usually have a few pair and as long as the color is right we will wear them. Women not only need the color right, but the shade of that color or open/closed toed, high, medium, or flat healed, strap style, buckles or not, even the texture. So much thought goes into that act alone that it will even cause you to change your outfit a few times. We men can’t grasp that! Now that is a simple look at our thought differences.

WHAT WE THINK
This is hard chapter to bring out, because us men have been shock so many times by the electric fence that surrounds our ability to communicate simplistically or honestly; what I mean by that for you simple minded people, is that we have said the wrong thing on accident too many times and had been let known by our women. Ladies, lets say you are going out with some friends of your man from work or you are going to meet some of his friends for the first time. Remember you guys are together because he loves you for who you are and is attracted to you for how you look everyday; good or bad! Now you ladies want to look your best and make your man proud; that’s cool! We like that. If you come out of the bathroom with your hair or makeup a different color or style than what we are used to and say “do you like my hair or makeup”; you have just thrown us into a mind field of electric fence’s, and we are not free to answer quickly or honestly. Lets say we love it and react Wow! You look incredible! I love it! That is a good reaction and answer. Now you ladies feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. After that wears off you start thinking, “did he not think I was beautiful before; which will grow into a consuming thought pattern of you evaluating our response on other things you do to your appearance. Lets say we are shocked and not sure if we like it or not and say, “you look nice honey!” Now you have just put up your defense and think we hate it; when really we are not sure. If we were to answer freely and honestly we could say, “I love it!” or “I don’t like it” or “I’m not sure yet!” You know, the way you respond to us when we change our appearance. If a man comes out of the bathroom with his hair different or wearing something you don’t like; you have no problem telling us what you think, and it doesn’t hurt our feelings or at least it doesn’t hurt mine. We just go change or fix our hair and move on. So knowing what we think is kind of hard to explain to you, and I guess it depends on how long you have been together and how many times the man has been shocked.

To know how we think in situations that have no repercussions is pretty simple. Eating a good burger is a good example.

What’s going through my thoughts is, dang this is good, I wonder if I can eat another one, or I wonder if I’m going to be by this area again soon; boy it is loud in my head when I chew. That’s pretty much it! I don’t care what it is going to do to my hips or how fatty it is, or if I look like a pig eating it. It’s safe to say not much going up on in my head when I’m eating it. If work calls while I’m eating the burger, then my mind will switch to work thoughts and the burger is no longer there. That’s what I mean about acting on our thoughts as we need them.

 WHAT WE WANT
Ladies, what we want is to be ourselves without hurting your feelings. We know that you are a different breed and have emotions you can’t control and we are sensitive to that! Just know that we are a different breed too and don’t mean to hurt you.

Sometimes ladies you think you need to compete with our friends; that’s not true! You are in a different category than our friends. Now if your man is spending most of his time with his friends without you, then there are some problems at home. A man likes his friends and can be a different animal with them than he can with you; let him have his time, but if he cant be a man at home or if you wont be around his friends, that has to change. Let me tell you how to be number 1 over his friends. Men like to show off whatever they have and if it is better than there friends they will rub it in there faces. So…Be cool to his friends! Make his friends say “Dude your girl is so cool!!!” The more he hears that the more he will want to rub it in there faces. If his friends say “look out! Your old lady is coming” you have problems; your name will seldom be brought up in conversation and if it is, it’s because your man is being teased. See how it works! I don’t mean you have to be at his side when he is with his friends all the time. I mean be there in conversation and desire; guys talk about stupid stuff and girls… so be the one that is coveted not made fun of.

So lets get started!!!

TOOLS NEEDED:

1) Pair of ripped up jeans

2) Pair of tennis shoes

3) T shirt with a logo of something manly

4) Ball cap

5) Open mind

GETTING STARTED :
First you need to recognize what kind of man you have, for example: what does he do for a living and what does he wear to work, how many hours a day he works and commute. This will tell you what kind of people he is around all day long, what kind of talk he has to listen to.

What T.V. shows does he watch, radio stations, what kind of magazines does he pick up, what does he like to do on the week end. This shows his likes and interest’s

Once you know what guy you have, your next step is to find out if you are certified to work on him! (i.e. are you married, are you his girlfriend, are you his best friend.)

1) Loner

2) Never happy

3) Sports Fanatic

4) Exercise nut

5) Car buff

6) Wandering eyes

7) Know-it-all

8) Always with friends

9) Immature

10) Boring

11) Couch potato

12) Arrogant

Being a loner and wanting to be alone are two different things! As for me I like to be alone at times; it allows me to ponder and get close to God. I don’t consider myself a loner, but I’m just fine doing what I would with someone else by myself. Now I work with a lot of people and coming home to be by myself is heaven. When I was married a lot of times I wasn’t able to have that quite alone time and sometimes that made me grumpy. The best way to avoid this grump is to allow some unwind time after work. It will be best for all involved. You may think this is selfish for a man to need this time, but I’m telling you; everyone will benefit from this sacrificed time. Ladies if you are married or living with him and you are a stay at home parent, we understand that you have been waiting for him to get home so he can handle something the kids have done or tell him something broke; just put it aside for an hour or so.

Giving time to unwind is great, but there is a cut off time when he needs to come to reality. One hour is enough time, or if until the news is over, whatever works for you. It also doesn’t have to be everyday; you will have to try different times!

There are guys and gals whom are never happy; I am not one of these guys. If your guy was happy most of the time when you first met; something has happen to trigger this. If he was this way when you met him, then you knew what you were getting and that is your fault for choosing him. You now have a choice to trade him in or just get rid of him.

If he was working fine when you first met him, he can be fixed! The best way to go about this, is to ask him what is wrong and why he is unhappy. I know it seems too easy to just ask, but us guys like straight questions. Knowing what is making him unhappy will not fix the problem, but it will give you a starting point if you desire to keep him.

I know that you ladies will try to figure it out and come to a lot of conclusions before you just ask him, but yeah, it is that simple. ASK US; we will tell you if you let us! If you get mad for him telling you then be prepared to not get another answer when you ask. My suggestion is to hear him out and wait until you decide whether you want to fix this problem before you respond.

I said in the beginning of this book, that I am not a relationship expert and I am not here to fix your relationships; I am only telling you how to work a man. (Not manipulate a man) We are a simple creature and just asking us is the most effective way to understand why we are working the way we are.

I enjoy watching sports, but I am not a fanatic. I do know guys that are though! Understanding why is a big part of excepting them for who they are. In my case, my family is primarily from San Diego, Ca and I grew up seeing my uncles and cousins a Chargers and Padres fan; which made me one. I have been a fan for most of my life and it not only brings good thought and memories, but a sense of belong. How ever silly that sounds to you, it is what it is.

If you think that coming into his life and he should stop and spend that game time with you, you will still have a sports Fanatic along with someone who is never happy.

If you can’t understand that; think about something you have been doing your whole life and then him asking you to not do that anymore. Doesn’t sound right huh?

If you want to be apart of that aspect of his life, let me give you some advice! Learn about his teams and ask him questions so you can understand the game if you don’t already. If he see’s you interested in his teams and sport, you will only grow closer and a stronger bond will develop; you will enter into his sports friend category. (a very good place to be)

If the sport is tennis or something like that, try playing it, you might like it. If that does happen don’t get upset if he doesn’t want to play with you only; he will still want to play hard with his old buddies.

For bonus points and to make him crazy for you, put on a pair of jeans and a team jersey and either watch the game with some yummy snacks, or buy some tickets and treat him to a game night. You will definitely be intimate later that night and you will be surprised on how that will open his eyes to treating you to some flowers and romantic dinner.

Being healthy is not a bad thing! Being obsessive with it can get in the way of your relationship if your not into exercise too. Only thing I can say is, if your not into exercise you probably wont be with someone that is. If he is new to it and you have been together for a long time, my advice to you is to get into it! If you don’t, you will risk the chance of him losing interest in you. I know that sounds cold and mean, but most guys that get into it late will see the results and the attention from other ladies and not know how to handle it and may make a bad mistake and explore another relationship. It’s not because they don’t love you, but because they will lose respect for you and think of you as lazy, even if your not! I’m not saying you need to go to the gym with them everyday, but don’t let your self go; show an interest in eating right and maybe go for a walk at night on a regular schedule.

If he is doing steroids you will have a dangerous hurdle to go over. He will not be thinking right and will get angry very easy. If you sense that he may abuse you, then you need to leave until he gets better. This will usually be a phase and after everything he worked hard for and loved leaves, he will be broken and stop using the drug. (maybe)

Race car ya ya’s, you got to love them! I am not one, but I have a Dad and Brother that are and I love the heck out of them. This is something that men get into at a young age, whether it started by building models or fixing up a high school project car. If you have one of these guys you probably knew it from the beginning and you see how they become child like when the get around other guys of the same interest.

This is like the sports fanatic, you can’t change them and if you try you will lose them. These guys are usually satisfied if you let them have the garage. If you want to be apart of there lives then show an interest. If you want them to be romantic and take you out, my advice would be to put on some shorts and a t-shirt with cars of interest and go to the car shows with them, (not all of them, but some)

This goes with motorcycle enthusiast too. Guys like to feel manly and if you are on the back of a bike cruising around town, he will feel like the coolest dude around. If you are one to get your own bike, that is cool too, but don’t try to out dude your guy.